How Can I Be?
by CommandoDude
Summary: As Yui and Ui finish tonight's dinner...Ui cannot help but let her mind wander to the subject of her recent feelings. Of her Affections for her Sister.
1. To Be

Disclaimer: I do not own K-On or any of the characters of K-On

**How Can I Be?**

_No matter how hard I try..._

"Hey, Hey, Ui! Look! Hehe!" Yui puts her chopsticks in her mouth, acting as if a Walrus, pawing with her hands like an animal. I'm forced to giggle. To laugh. Her silly antics are too captivating, too cute, I've tried to hold it in...but it just keeps gushing out...

_...No matter how hard I try, I can't let go._

These giggles and laughs. I can't help it. Big Sister has always...always...

_I can't forget these feelings I'm having..._

…Made me smile and laugh...and feel so warm and happy...

_...It used to be so small...I thought_

"Big Sis...You're so silly" I giggled...Her silly antics...they're so...her. They fit her so well, that is who she is...Oh, the things I do for her...The cooking, the cleaning...And all that I put up with this silliness. How could I not do these things for her?

_I thought I could ignore it...and that maybe...maybe it would go away..._

"Hehe!" She sheepishly rubs her hand behind her head, pulling lightly on her hair. "Ahhh...Ui...Can I have some Ice Cream?" She tilts her to the side as she looks at me staring wide eyed. Such a cute face. How can she torture and manipulate me like this by being so cute? It's not fair. I want to reach out and pinch her cheeks.

...Then why don't I?

_...But it didn't...It got bigger...It grew...I couldn't ignore it_

Because then that would validate everything I feel...If I act reserved...maybe I can preserve it

_Couldn't ignore it at all...and then...then...it started getting...uncontainable..._

I raise my hand. "No way! You've got to eat dinner first Yui Big Sis...aaaaaall of it!" I strain, pointing to the food on her plate accusingly. "Eh..." she looks reluctantly at the remaining food bits still strewn on the plate...mostly populated by green sprouts. "Even the vegetables." I affirm positively.

….Preserve our relationship...preserve this sweet, unbreakable bond that has made me feel so loved...for so long. A bond between sisters.

_Uncontrollable. My thoughts...my thoughts could only be occupied by her figure..._

My only Big Sister...the kind, gentle girl who has always looked out for me...gone out of her way for my happiness...

"B-But...you put Broccoli in it Ui!" she bemoaned, her face contorting into tears. A plea of sympathy. Mercy. She held her hands together. "Please Ui! Maybe an exception today? Eh?" she tried to squirm out. But I would not relent. Yui should be maintaining a nutritious diet to stay healthy, I made sure of that. Why kind of Sister would I be if I let Yui fall out of health? I shook my head and mustered the most serious face I could. It was hard given my soft natured face. "If you want Ice cream...then you'll eat it..."

...My mind wanders back to a Christmas, many, many years ago. Waking up in the morning to find the white Christmas Yui had brought me, even though it was not a very impressive one...it filled me with such...such...happiness...a warm...fuzzy feeling...she was so good to me

_...She invades my dreams, whispering sweet sinister words into my ears...bringing me so much more then just a white Christmas_

When Jun speaks so exasperatedly about her younger sister...I can never comprehend. I could never be without my Big Sister...Just the thought alone frightens me. I couldn't imagine why Jun could think so carelessly of such a treasured person...

_...But then, Jun doesn't have dreams like this with her Sister?...Does she?_

Yui looks back at her plate...then at me...then back...I know she's trying to weigh her options...delicious sweets must always favor highly in her choices though. What other tactics will she resort to? "Ahhh...Ui, my th-throat feels so dry!" she croaks dramatically all the sudden, reaching to the ceiling. "...Only...I-Icecream can make it better!" she crys, throwing an arm over her eyes, playing it up as convincingly as possible. Who's convinced?

_But the imagination can only go so far...can only come so close...to the real thing..._

Even Yui's friends sometimes wonder...what makes me put up with her aloof and careless behavior? Why do I do the things that I do to make sure that my Sister is well fed, clean, and happy. Why do I allow her behavior to slide to carelessly?

_...These feeling are almost bursting out of my lips...how can I keep the seems shut?_

But they don't seem to understand...For all the things that I do for Yui Big Sister...For all her quirky behavior that I put up with...She does her best to make sure that I'M happy. She does things...sometimes, even boyfriends wouldn't do. My heart swells under the affection she dotes upon me.

Silently I pick up one big stalk of broccoli as she croaks more, closing her eyes in feigned misery. "Say, Ahhhh...!" I tell her quickly. "Ah?" she looks down, her mouth outstretched to produce the vocal confusion of her mind. And then, I seize my chance, pushing the broccoli full into her mouth. "Eat!" I command quickly. She looks like she wants to try and choke it out for a moment. And then...a dramatic swallow...It's all down.

To her...it's not a...a...commitment...she does these things just because she thinks...I'll giggle and laugh...because she's my Big Sister and she'll do all sorts of weird whimsical things to make me and her friends laugh...such a sweet and gentle soul...How could I be so lucky and unlucky at the same time?

_If I can't keep this horrid secret, keep this disgusting feeling within me...Everything will be ruined..._

Oh how life is cruel...so cruel...to give me such a wonderful, kind...beautiful, Sister...and curse me with these feelings...these desires...these...urges...

_...Everything that I have...that we have with each other...if you knew...we could never go back_

Yui coughs. "Ehhhhh! Ui...how could you do that?" she cries...But I know well enough...she's not really mad or sad. I suppose that will probably be the best I will be getting today isn't it? "Yui...Sis...I'll get us some Ice Cream..." My lips curl up into a small smile as I touch her hand lightly. She wins again. Aren't I always caving like this? "Eh?! Really?" She gasps, a bright smile adorning hers. "Thank youuuuu Ui Sis! You're the beeeeeeest!" she calls happily as I walk into the kitchen, pausing for a moment...

_...How can I be the best? When these feelings are overwhelming my thoughts. If only you knew_

What was it that our English Literature teacher told us about in class? He was speaking of a famous play written by an old dead Englishman...Shakespeare was it? He told us about the play...Hamlet, how the hero held the skull of his childhood acquaintance...Yorik...yes...About how the young prince gave his famous soliloquy...To be...Or Not to be...Yes, an excellent question...

_Sister...what would you think if you knew?..._

I strolled back into the living room with two bowls of different Ice cream, my gaze wanders to Yui, seeing her with a little unpleasant look. "Whats?-" I stop mid sentence, looking at her plate. It's been cleaned off, every last piece of Broccoli was gone. "Ah...Big Sis!" My lips curl into a bight smile, she would have gotten the Ice Cream anyways...but she ate the rest...just for me. She looks over to me, both of us smiling...and then. "...Ice Cream!" she shouts bubbly, raising her hands up impatiently.

_...Nothing would be the same anymore would it? There would be no hugs...no smiles...no more sleeping together at night_

It was a question I had asked myself...once...maybe all these pain would go away if I could just...not...be...anymore. Maybe then Yui would remember me like her diligent, delightful Sister...and not...like something...something like _that_.

_Because none of it would be innocent anymore...none of it could have the same, carefree...loving attitude that it once did..._

I feel it then, another giggle, another laugh, coming right up again. And I hand Yui her bowl and set mine down before I think I'm going to drop them. "Ahhhh~!" She puts a whole spoonful in her mouth and relaxes happily at the table. "'Tso Goooooof" she mumbles with the spoon still in her mouth. And then I can't restrain my giggles. "Yui...you don't change at all..." I wipe a tear from my eye and taste my own Ice cream.

And then I imagined the pain Yui would feel, to be ripped away from her only Sister so painfully, so abruptly...I...I could never do something so wretched to her...the image of a sobbing Yui, crying for real...I could never do that to Big Sister.

_...Would you even look at me the same?_

But what about my feelings? Will I have to suffer watching Yui marry another, handsome boy. Someone else that can give her what I could never? Is that the only thing that will bury these wretched thoughts? I don't want to have to watch Yui grow up and not need me anymore...

I look down to my Ice Cream, only a few bites I've taken. Yui has enthusiastically almost finished her own bowl, her lecherous eyes looking over to mine...for more. "Say...Ui..." she chimes in ever so innocently..."Yes?" I ask, chuckling already, knowing her question. "Can I have a bite of yours?" she asks excitedly, a slight plead in her voice. How can I say no to her? Have I ever? "Yes."

_Don't you see Yui Big Sister? That all you need to do is ask and I would do anything for you?...anything..._

Please...please Yui Big Sister...please don't ever not need me? I don't want to be left alone. If you find someone else...then you won't need me...won't you? And if you don't need me...what happens to us? I want to have Big Sister to myself forever...It's so selfish of me...I wish I could be that selfish

"Ah~!" She opens her mouth to me...for a moment I deadpan. But...should I expect anything less from Big Sister? "Yui..." I whisper reluctantly, as if trying to decipher if she really is waiting for what I think. "Ahhhhhhh~!" she cries louder, shaking back and forth a little. I sigh and pick up my spoon, laden with Ice Cream and deposit it within her mouth, her lips immediately clamping down on said utensil. "O-Oi Yui Big Sister!" I protest.

Oh...the things I wish I could selfishly have to myself. It's so wrong to everyone else. It's an affront to society. These feelings are disgusting. Why do I have them? Why do they feel so warm and right? Shouldn't I be disgusted? I am disgusted at myself, but that's not what I feel. Why?

_...Oh, so selfish...but only in my dreams and my thoughts will I ever be able to carry out these sinful fantasies..._

Her lips clasp firmly around the spoon, my fingers almost along with it as she feeds on the sweet creamy deliciousness. My cheeks turn pink as I feel my Sister's soft lips pressed on my fingers. "Y-Yui..." I whisper, more embarrassed then upset or dismayed, a normal reaction one might have. Soon it becomes apparent I will need to remove it myself. I pull back with my hand, until eventually the silverware slips from your lips with a light 'pop'

_...There will never be a reality for these fantasies...how could there be? You wouldn't accept this_

How could anybody? Understand what I'm feeling? Nobody could know how lonely and empty it is to feel this way about their kin. And yet every day I'm showered in affection. It's so wrong. To feel what I feel even though you care for me so deeply...but you don't care the way I want you to...

_How could you?..._

I hold the spoon up to myself, seeing it covered in my Sister's saliva. "Y-Yui...how am I suppose to use my spoon now?" I ask nervously, fidgeting with my other hand. "Oh? Is there something wrong with it Ui?" she asks absentmindedly. "It has your...saliva on it..." I utter. "So?" she asks obliviously. My face flushes further, unsure if I should be embarrassed of Big Sister's flippant reaction or...

_...or what?_

It's just that...It has Yui Big Sister's saliva on it now...if I eat my ice cream with it...it would be like...a...an indirect...kiss....

_Isn't that what you want?..._

More then anything

I scoop the Ice Cream into my mouth, I savor the sweet flavor on my lips. But this time...the taste is different, just lightly. It's Yui I realize. That she's making the Ice Cream different. Is this what Big Sister...tastes like? Slowly my face get's redder and I feel some more tears escape my eyes. Everything is just so...overwhelming..."Eh? Ui, Sis! What's wrong?! Oh It's the spoon! I'm so sorry Ui!" she cried apologetically, reaching over to pull me into an embrace.

Can't you see the real reason I'm hurting Yui? My sweet sister? Oh, my heart contracts so horribly. It's no physical pain. It's so much worse. To be so close...yet so far. This emotional pain is unbearable. Forbidden from my desire.

_...Can't you see I love you Yui, Big Sister?_

_...More then anything..._

XOXOXOXO

Author's Notes:

The events of the story are told in short dialogue paragraphs, with Ui's thoughts written in between, and her subconscious speaks in Italics.

Hello. If you have subscribed to this channel, then I am pleased to say that I have decided on complete inspiration to make a new work at the dead of night before I lost the motivation to write this piece.

And I am indeed planning on writing another chapter.

If you have seen my other (Amateurish) enteries then you know I have a sort of...fascination with Incestous couples. And this story sort of poured into my imagination after watching K-On. Ui is such a cute character, I couldn't help but imagine the two of them in this pairing. But to be perfectly honest, the actual events I imagined are what take place in what I want to be another chapter. This is what happens to be a Prelude I thought up later which would lead into that chapter much, much better I thought.

Or at least, I hope.

-If you notice something. I've not used any Japanese in this, you might even notice how Ui says "Yui Big Sister" it seems off in English, but that is a somewhat translation of how "Yui Onee-san" would come off in English.

I take a commitment to writing in full English, as only people obsessed with anime create such amateurish works where they include random Japanese words because they think it is cute. It's not cute. And I am also trying to keep In-character, hence why Ui says "Yui Big Sister" (Onee-san translates to Big Sister). Through the anime though, Yui refers to Ui as simply, "Ui" and does not use honorifics.

I'm really glad I decided to put the effort into this even though it is so late. I've felt unproductive as of late and this really felt...Exciting to write.


	2. Lonely

**Lonely**

Big Sister. Do you remember the time you had that field trip to Kyoto? That must have been so fun. You sent me all kinds of pictures about all the fun you were having. With Mio, Ritsu, and Tsumugi. Such oblivious joy. I wish I could have gone to Kyoto with you too...Did you think about me lots?

_...I thought a lot about you_

It didn't hit me until the end of the day you left, when I was at school with Azusa and Jun...We were getting your lunch box like you asked of me. Silly Yui, that's so like you. I was sitting in your seat, thinking about you, this desk must be your bed away from bed I guess. Hehe. Silently I let my mind drift as I stare out the window, this must be what it is like for you during the day. I reach up to pull a strand of my hair and think, "If I let my hair down, no one would know the difference." Don't you think?

_And then Jun mentioned it..._

"It'll be another two days before she comes back..."

Big Sister Yui won't be here tonight, oh, the words were like a cold slap against my heart. I could feel tears beginning to form, running down my cheeks. Oh, a night without Yui...Mom and Dad were already around so little as it was, but without Yui. Do you have any idea how lonely I felt at that moment?

_...I cringe, thinking of a time where I know Big Sis will leave me. What will I do Yui? To fill the emptiness in my heart then?_

Our routine would be totally broken up. How I make dinner for the two of us, how we talk to each other each night, how I tuck you into bed, how I casually wake you up in the morning? Do you know that sometimes I'm able to see a little more then what I'm suppose to when you toss your sheets awkwardly in your sleep? Ah. Such nice mornings. I don't know if you'd mind.

_Sometimes I contemplate sneaking a light kiss from you as you sleep...that would be nice..._

Maybe I should do something like that the next time you're having trouble sleeping and come to me. You know my bed is always welcome. Sometimes I wish you'd have a harder time so you'd come to me. Would you mind sometime if...if I slept with you in your bed? Yui Bi Sister? I want to ask but the words never find their way to my lips.

_...That would validate my feelings wouldn't it? If I get too cozy...I might just slip_

Sometimes I like to imagine that you are also having these feelings. That all of my efforts to conceal my feelings are simply futile misconceptions. I like to imagine that we could be together if I could summon the courage to confess my love for you. I always imagined that you would hold me in your arms so tenderly, and I would look up to whisper those forbidden words...

"_I love you"_

And then reality sets in. You don't have these sick feelings that I have. Big Sis is far too blunt to keep her feelings secret. If you had these feelings...then...you would have confessed to me by now...That's just reality.

_But...it's nice to escape reality, just for a bit...To imagine the joy of what could be..._

Azusa and Jun offered to stay with me while you were gone and keep me company. I did feel relieved, having my two friends over would help take my mind off your absence. And we did have a good time together. But...It wasn't quite enough to keep my heart from missing you, from longing for your carefree nature.

_...Why can't my heart just let go? _

She said something interesting that day, Azusa. She told me that you should be more responsible for yourself. Thinking about it now...you probably would fall apart the minute I stopped taking care of you...Can I help myself? It feels so good inside to know that Big Sister needs me. I would do anything for you. I wish you could see that. Maybe Azusa did that day...But I don't think even she could think to the extent I would go...

_This can't be healthy...This...obsession...How much longer will it take before I break?..._

When Jun saw how much food I'd prepared the first night...she made a...comment...I don't think she thought it would leave such an impact on me...

"You know, you'd make a good wife someday Ui. I'm so jealous of Yui"

...We both laughed. But those words had already sunk into my subconscious...

_...Do you think I would make a good wife Big Sister?...A good wife to you?_

What I would give...Oh, but that will only happen in my dreams. It would be nice Yui...to be your bride...do you know how much sleep I've lost thinking of being taken by you at the altar? I wouldn't mind being a housewife for you for the rest of my life...Azusa and the others probably think of me like that already. "Where would you be without my care?" or something like that.

_Where would I be without you?..._

Oh. Yui, Big Sis. Maybe tonight I'll work up the courage to ask you to sleep with me tonight...just to feel a tiny taste of that warmth. Right after Ice Cream...

_...But if I have that taste...I'll become addicted...I won't be able to control myself...won't I?_

And then a voice rises up in the back of my mind.

"Do you care?"

_No._

XOXOXOXO

Author's Notes:

Hehe...Sorry. This isn't the chapter I promised you last chapter. But I watched episode 5 K-On second season and I started getting inspiration, since it is centered from Ui's POV.

As of late I've been a little stressed out by all this homework I have to complete soon. And I want to be able to write that chapter I've been thinking of without all this stress. Ah. I'm too much of a perfectionist, I don't want to keep putting this off with the excuse "I need to wait until the perfect time"

So I just made this little intermission dabble. The title of "Lonely" was fitting.

If you didn't figure out last chapter's title. It was a play on the words "To be, Or not to be"

Thanks for the comments by the way! I remembered reading them and thinking "Oh yeah, there was a reason I stopped coming to FF"


	3. Forever

**Forever**

Although my mind wanders, I keep my eyes focused on the spoon handle hanging from my mouth, the Ice cream melting in my mouth providing an adequate distraction from the unbridled desire to watch you. Ah, Yui, Big Sis, just being like this together does make me feel so warm inside. Is that why I have these intense feelings? Is it the hot warm feelings you fill me with, the kindness you show me.

_I'm seeking something I can do...Anything for you!_

"Ah! Ui, the Ice Cream you picked this time is delicious! It tastes like...Hmm...Sweet, really sweet! It's like bubble gum! Heheh!" Yui laughs, scooping another spoon full into her mouth. My smile returns, hearing that melodic voice is so...calming. I push my thoughts, my dirty perverted thoughts aside.

...There's no reason I can't still enjoy my time with you, even from this distance

"You like it Big Sis? Ah, I'm glad! I thought that something sweet would be a good change of pace." I happily reply, placing the spoon I hold into my bowl. By comparison, mine seems much fuller then my Sister's, a normal dessert time. "You're the best Ui!" she smiles, eliciting a rosy blush across my cheeks of mixed embarrassment and happiness. "Big Sis..." I whisper sheepishly, making her grin widen further. Still, for some reason, those comical mannerisms of yours never seems to cease entertaining me. And for the moment, I relax on my seat, stretching my feat under the table.

_Thank you for appreciating me so much..._

I take another spoonful of the pink frozen cream into my mouth and savor the flavor, thinking about the after dinner chores I'll need to do before we go to bed. I hope Yui will have enough time to practice, she's been so diligent with her guita-Gitah, and it shows. Each time I listen to her performances, they seem to flow with more energy and rhythm then before. It's captivating to watch her let loose on stage.

...Of course, I remain planted in the back, watching shyly

_I wish I could come up on stage with you, to be apart of that excitement in your life, to share it_

Though, it isn't too much longer until I realize something is amiss, how...unusually quiet it is. Mostly Yui takes to the talking, and I listen, I've always been more of a listener. It's fascinating to hear about her day, or her thoughts, like a glimpse into her world. It's sort of magical, how you view the world, your cheerful attitude is infectious and I can't help but yearn to hear more. A nervous feeling wells up in my chest, hoping that I haven't been too inattentive. I look back at you, feeling confused to watch you staring up into the ceiling...perhaps not all that unusual for her character, but...being her Sister, I know it is not her usual mannerism. "Ah...Yui, Big Sis, you're...sort of quiet...is something the matter?" I ask, scooting closer, searching for perhaps what could be troubling her.

"Oh." Her head drops down to its rightful angle, turning to look back at me, staring for a moment, our eyes meet and I quickly avert mine, feeling twice as anxious as I was before.

_Did I do something?_

"Umm...No...not really" She says, in a tone unknown to me, as if absentmindedly considering another train of thought. Big Sis isn't a very good liar, of course I can tell something is bothering her, I know her too well, but I won't press her, she'll tell me when she's ready.

...I Hope.

Her eyes suddenly divert to the remaining food in my cup. "Ah!" her eyes light up, and I see that her own is empty. Devoured completely. Sometimes I wonder how she eats so well and stays so beautiful. I'm envious. She looks back up to me, giving a sly smile. "...Ui-" she begins, putting a finger to her chin, tugging her lip. Oh! It's too much, she's too adorable! I smile back, anticipating her request. "-Here" I slide my bowl towards her, nodding my head.

"Yay!"

...The look on her face, the excitement lit across her cheeks...how could I say no to that?

_How could I not facilitate that warmth? The very same that heats my heart._

I sigh as I watch her hungrily scoop a large, melted glob of pink into her mouth. "Mmm!" she sighs, as if the beast in her stomach has been quelled of its lust for food, "...Ah. It was good" Yui smiles back at me. Though, in her hast, she'd left a few splotches of the treat on her face. "Jeez Big Sis, now you've got it all on your face..." I sigh with playful exasperation, leaving my Sister this time to feel embarrassed. My hand takes a napkin from the table, raising it up to her cute face, clearing her pale skin of the blemishing color.

_...So soft._

I feel my heart thump rather loudly as my fingers pass her lips. Lingering an eternity longer then I should have let them...

She must have noticed that rather...affectionate gesture? Yes, I can see by her flushed cheeks that she did. In a panic I take the porcelain on the table, gathering up the silverware, hastening to stand up. "I'll go put these away, why don't you go up to your room and practice with Gitah Big Sis?" I manage to blurt out, making a quick exit and leaving my bewildered Sister.

_Why can't I control these emotions? _

It's addicting...to give into your desires.

_She'd never see this the way I do..._

"Ui...you stupid!" I muttered under my breath, hoping Yui didn't take that the wrong way. Maybe I was just over reacting? Yui wouldn't think of it like...that. Isn't it right to be affectionate with her? My only, lovely Sister.

...It would be okay if you could still differentiate between romantic and familial affection.

I close my eyes in frustration, taking a deep breath, and pushing these confusing thoughts to the back of my thoughts. I don't need to stress myself like this. Reaching for the dirty dishes I begin to busy myself with cleaning them, that helps me forget. The rushing water over my fingers helps distract me from these self destructive thoughts, allowing me to methodically finish cleaning up for the night, putting away the dishes and cleaning the table. I notice Yui has gone up to her room, and decide to turn out the lights and walk upstairs. "I wonder how Big Sis is doing..." I whisper under my breath, stopping by my room to change into my pajamas.

I knock on her door, "Yui...How's practice?" I ask, letting myself into her room and shutting the door behind me. She looks suddenly up towards me, Gitah held limply in her hands, she seemed distracted a moment ago...

"Ah! Ui!" she smiles, patting a spot on her bed beside herself, gesturing to come sit with her. "...Hmm...somehow...It just seems hard to get my fingers to play Gitah tonight..." her hand rubs the back of her head sheepishly, eliciting a chuckle from me as I sit beside her, looking towards her guitar.

"Eh? Really? Are your fingers hurting?"

"Oh, no. Its just a little hard to concentrate I guess." Yui lifts the guitar from her lap, pulling the strap from her body and setting the musical instrument down in its stand nearby. "Kind of like...when you have something on your mind and its too hard to focus on much anything else."

…Isn't that always the way with her?

I feel myself involuntarily laugh, "Hehe. It seems like that's often the case with you, Big Sis" I chide, covering the smile on my face with a hand.

"Ooh!" Yui turns to me, with a glare too forced to take seriously, making me laugh harder. "How rude! Talking about your sister in such callous terms!" she declares with emphasis, suddenly launching herself at me, taking us both down onto the bed with myself squealing from surprise. Both of us laughing joyfully as we lay across the bed, Yui holding me down from behind. My hands reaching up to hold the arms wrapped around me, both of us relaxing across the bed for a moment.

_This is nice...being held by Yui like this..._

"So...Big Sis, what's on your mind?" I ask absentmindedly after a brief silence of embrace. She does seem uncharacteristically quiet today, so perhaps it is something rather distracting.

"...Umm..."

_Umm?_

"Is there something bothering you Yui?" I ask curiously, thinking back to what she had said during dinner, the both of us sitting back up onto the bed. For a moment I waited in anticipation as she stared at various things around the room.

"...W-well...umm..." She hesitates, another lingering silence, and just as I'm about to open my mouth, she stutters timidly. "Ui...H-have you ever...kissed a girl?" asked cautiously, whilst twiddling her thumbs.

_What?_

"What?"

"Forget I asked!" Yui waved her hands embarrassed, looking away and attempting to change the subject quickly.

With a coy smile to my lips, I turn around in her arms, looking up to her flustered face.

"W-well. No, I've never...kissed a girl. Why do you ask Big Sis?" I countered, feeling a light blush coming on, wondering where this topic suddenly came from.

"Uhh...Umm...Well you see, I was talking with M-Mugi today and the topic...just kind of...came up in conversation." I raised my eyebrow. "Ah! Well, Mugi was wondering, if I had ever k-kissed a girl...since she...Umm...wanted to know what it was like!" she explained. Thinking back, I could recall Azusa talking about Tsumugi's fixation with...how did she put it? 'Affection between girls'...Or something like that. It seemed cute. This prompted my own thought though.

What one would give to feel her lips under theirs...

"...H-Have you?" I inquired.

"No!" Yui quickly replied, blushing. It suddenly felt very awkward, talking about...girls kissing. I tried to think about what would happen in those shoujo mangas I liked to read. I had no idea what my sister might be thinking...Could...could she possibly want to experience it herself? My heart fluttered at the very notion. I opened my mouth, but paused, thinking about how best to phrase this, Yui looking at me quizically.

"Do...you w-want to?...T-to kiss a girl I mean, big sis?" I whispered lowly, so quietly I wonder if you can even hear me. My body feels so hot, when did it get so hot in Yui's room, I feel like I'm burning up.

_But it's not the room that's hot...is it?_

I've never felt like this before, dying of anticipation, as I wait patiently for your answer.

It does not come quickly, as I look up, not so innocently to Yui, I can tell the words are stuck in her throat, as she struggles to answer. Yui opens her mouth, but it closes, it opens again, but still nothing. I didn't realize how hard it would be to answer, but with each passing second, I become more and more sure I already know what she'll say.

"Yui...it's okay, no matter what you say...I'll always love you" I speak softly, giving her body a small, reassuring squeeze with my arms.

_More then you'll ever know..._

"Ui..." I can see her body relax, the pent up tension disappearing and I'm happy, knowing how much she values me, my feelings. "Y-yeah...I...never thought about it b-before Mugi said anything...but...I k-kind of want to try...I guess...someday " Yui chuckles shyly. Scratching her cheek.

"What about me?" I blurt out suddenly, much to my own surprise as hers, as I immediately berate myself for allowing such an impetuous outburst.

But she doesn't follow.

"What?" Yui asks quizzically.

_Don't you get it?_

I hold back a frustrated huff, the least she could do is save me the embarrassment of explaining myself. "I-I mean... umm..." and now I find myself in a similar situation as my sister found herself in moments before, pausing each time I almost seem to be able to utter my intent. As her face seems to light up, I feel that she's caught on to my meaning just as I begin to speak again. "I m-mean..." I think my face must be bright red, it feels really hot all the sudden. "W-what about...umm...w-would you...want...to...try with m-me?" Oh god, how could I really suggest this? My horrified imagination can only think of your disgusting reaction.

The next few seconds feel like the longest of my life.

At least she's as red as I feel...

"O-okay..." she finally replies.

_What?_

"What?" I ask ludicrously, feeling...shocked. She...really wants to...with me? My jaw feels slightly ajar...I hope I don't look too stupefied.

_Am I dreaming?_

"I m-mean...if you w-want to..." Yui stutters, her cute eyes averted from my own blank stare. This is too much, my heart, it feels like it's going to burst from my chest. I can hear it's heavy, quick beats. It's almost dizzying.

Our eyes meet suddenly, briefly, before we both avert our faces abashed. This is just too much, I practically want to jump up and run away from this. But I can't, my body is glued in place...I've been waiting for this opportunity, this chance, for too long, too long to be ruined by some fleeting bashfulness.

Carefully, I begin to sit up, my arms only momentarily leaving her sides, and she follows, the twixt of us sitting in each others lap, our bodies so close. I'm burning up, but I don't care. I look Yui in the eye, as if asking for her permission. I only receive a vague nod, and that's all I need, all I want, all I care for, as I place the palm of my right hand on your cheek, tilting your head to the side

_I just want you...now._

Our faces inch closer, slowly, agonizingly, I can hear my heart pounding like a drum in my chest as we near and my tongue licks my lips in anticipation. "Yui..." I murmur softly, closing my eyes as we connect.

_It is all I ever dreamed._

I sigh, as our lips shift against each other blissfully, and for once...I don't have to worry, I don't even have to think. My mind can just stop for a second, as I enjoy this moment. My arm tightens around her as she does the same, my thumb caresses her cheek.

And...then...it's over...just as soon as we came together we came apart, our faces hovering so close together, our eyes heavy lidded. "Ui..." she mumbles half dazed.

But I don't want this to end. I want more. And jealously, I press my lips down against her's again, capturing them, oblivious to her muffled cry of surprise. But nonetheless willing. I don't care...we don't care, as our 'kiss' becomes something more. And before I know it, my body is pressed down against hers, as I lay atop it across her bed. The next few moments seemed to pass in a haze as our saliva mixed, and my mind lost track of itself immersed in a fog of contentment.

_This is...wonderful..._

You have never felt so at ease...

And eventually, we part, my face ducking into the crevice of Yui's neck, snuggling against her, our arms wrapped around each other. And we can lay contently in the others embrace, panting out of breath from our...our...

_Lovely makeout_

It seemed to happen so fast, so...unexpectedly...but the smile on my face did not waver at all. And...for the meanwhile...my worries...my fears, all melted away. Inconsequential.

"Was that good?" I ask in a hushed whisper.

"Mmhmm..."

Our breathes return to normal. We rest next to each other, silently...for...who knows how long. Before I suddenly remember I haven't completed all my afternoon chores, and I realize that it's become late. How long could we have stayed like that? It only felt like a few minutes as my mind had drifted...

"Yui? C-can I stay with you tonight?" I ask apprehensively, waiting for an answer...waiting...waiting? I look up and see your wearily drooping face, already fast asleep, and reflexively I giggle. "Oh Yui...you're adorable" I whisper, leaning over to give you a little peck on your forehead. I don't feel like disturbing this moment, waking her up to ask. "Goodnight Yui, big sister...I love you..." I mumble to myself, thinking maybe I saw a twitch of a smile as I pull the covers over the two of us.

_So...so much..._

If only this moment could last an eternity for you...

It doesn't matter to me that we're sisters. I don't care how wrong this is, how wrong my feelings should be. Right now I've never felt so calm, peaceful. I would trade the world for this. For her. As I drift into unconscious sleep...I think about how things between us might-will change. I wonder if...just if...we can become...even closer then sisters. No matter what anyone says...

_As long as I have you..._

XOXOXOXO

Author's Notes: I apologize for taking so long to update this. Initially I had to put off responding so long due to imminent finals back when I first started this chapter. Bit...afterwards I just lost the motivation. Half this chapter was written for so long before I got the inspiration to finish it. I apologize.

The italics indicate Ui's inner monologue, with interjected second-person pov. Second person perspective is just so literately rare I thought I'd give it a shot.

This chapter is what my initial brainstorming, before the preceding chapters, had envisioned. I'm not sure if I will continue, I had thoughts on where this story can go from now, if I can find the motivation to write a fourth chapter that is. I think creating those heart wrenching first chapters was crucial to making this one so sweet though, I hope you enjoyed it. Thank you for the reviews and constructive criticism. I may or may not change my use of honorifics, but, for this story, I've already opted not to, so doing so now would be too jarring.


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